"Some men you just can't reach..."

Last night I was trying to catch up on some of my studying that I have been neglecting lately. My advanced management course (don’t ask how I ended up in that one...it is a long story) deals primarily with various forms of communication, effectiveness of communication, barriers to effective communication, and the like. This course isn’t rocket science, but it has highlighted some useful information on what can happen to a message between when it is sent and when it is received by its intended audience. I thought I’d share some of that information here. (I know, I know… how exciting, right? Just read it…okay? It won’t hurt you to think for five minutes. )

In life, there are people who just ‘get’ you. They are on the same mental path and speak the same language you do. When you start to explain something…they understand right where you are going with the explanation and how you made certain connections to come up with a particular conclusion. Communication flows easily both ways... unhampered by failures in understanding. You know what I mean, don’t you?

Of course, on the other hand, there are also those who don’t, can’t, and never will ‘get’ you. I think when this situation arises, there is often times a tendency to blame the other person for the breakdown in communication. I’m not saying that in some cases blame isn’t warranted... but it seems to me that one should at least consider the possibility that the communication problem lies in large part with the way each person conceptualizes ideas, and how each person is built personality wise.

To me, being able to communicate well is critical within a relationship. Because of my own personality traits and the way I come to understand things, there has hardly ever been a time where I could just accept things at face value, or gracefully accede to something that I do not understand. I have to understand things on a gut level or there is no peace... not for me and not for anyone else around me.

For the most part, the people that I have been closely involved with in my life with have understood this about me, and in the things that mattered, have permitted me to ask questions when things were unclear to me, to reach a point of understanding. Once I reach a point of understanding something on a gut level, I "know" it. It becomes a part of me. I can answer all kinds of questions about it, and know what to do with it in any circumstance to which it relates. I will never have to "learn" it again. It is the difference between having abstract book knowledge of how to build a house, and the ability to actually go build a house. I have a NEED to understand and wrap my mind around things.

Keeping in mind the above, any way you look at it, I'm just not going to be an easy or peaceful person to be around for anyone who is not on the same wavelength, because just as they do not get me, I do not get them, either. There are lots of things you can change with regard to a person’s actions, but it’s probably not a good idea to start tampering with a person’s personality. Therefore, there comes a time when you have to accept that “some men you just can’t reach.” Sometimes, you just have to accept that communication is not going to take place…forgive yourself and the other person... and move on.

Of course, sometimes people really are too busy coming up with something to refute the other person rather than listening in an attempt to understand the other side. This is not the type of situation I am writing about. Rather, I am referring to a genuine difference in the way two people interpret things…a situation in which neither side is attempting to frustrate or annoy the other or simply want to be “right”.



Quote and title to this post taken from Guns N’ Roses. “Civil War"